Splitting Reality

When I was in my early twenties, the Harry Potter books were just being published. Although I didn’t read them until I was in my early thirties, I quickly became captivated by the intricate and detailed world constructed by their author, J.K. Rowling.

While there are many aspects of the Harry Potter books that are interesting and worth discussing, I want to focus on one character within them: Lord Voldemort (and yes, there will be spoilers for those who are unfamiliar with the books and movies).

For those who don’t know him, Lord Voldemort is the main villian in the Harry Potter books. In many respects, he is the epitome of evil: he is ruthless, he is driven by anger and revenge, and he will let nothing and no one get in his way. He is so determined to maintain his power he even splits his soul into seven pieces so no single wound will kill him. Only the destruction of each object containing a piece of his soul will defeat him.

In this brief summary, it is clear this story is very fantastic and not possible in the normal everyday world. Yet, in a sense, all of us split ourselves into different pieces.

The relationships I share at work are different from the ones I share at home; I get together with some friends at different times from others–I even have some friends who have never met one another. It is also true that some of the people with whom I share relationships never see parts of me that other people see.

All this is normal; life wouldn’t be life if this wasn’t the case.

“Things get complicated when we want to keep certain parts of life secret from people in other parts of life.”

Yet things get complicated when we want to keep certain parts of our lives secret from people in other parts of our life. It is true certain things need to remain private; that is proper and good. Yet when a person is ashamed of something in their life, like an addiction, relationships that others might consider improper, or highly dysfunctional ways of engaging life, keeping this a secret can spill over into other areas of life.

Soon other parts of life are affected by this thing we don’t want others to know about. Life becomes dominated by keeping these different areas of life separate.

The fear of discovery becomes something that is always in a person’s awareness. Maintaining a sense of control, a sense of power over one’s life, is directly dependent on keeping these different parts of one’s self separate. It is almost like the different parts of one’s self can’t admit the other(s) exist–to do so would spell disaster.

From a spiritual perspective, this is a very unhealthy situation. Spirituality is all about integrating the different parts of ourselves into a completed wholeness. This includes all those parts of ourselves we would rather not admit are parts of who we are.

“When life is defined by a fundamental split in our experience of ourself and reality, we become capable of all kinds of evil and cruelty simply to protect the separate parts of ourself.”

So, when life is defined by a fundamental split in our experience of ourself and reality, we become like Lord Voldemort, capable of all kinds of evil and cruelty simply to protect the separate parts of ourself.

Of course, this is all a matter of degrees–all of us do this to some extent. However, when carried to an extreme, sometimes because of deep shame and self-loathing, the damage a person does to themself is often projected onto others. The hurting person hurts other people; they become a mini-Voldemort. But, unlike Voldemort, others might be able to assist in their healing (more on this in a future post).

Here are ten questions to help you reflect on how you might experience splitting in your own life:

1. What are some parts of yourself you never want others to discover, even your closest friends and confidantes?
2. Why do you want to keep these parts of yourself private or secret?
3. What might be the consequences if others were to learn of these things?
4. To what extent do you build your life around keeping these things secret?
5. To what extent is the secret in your awareness during your daily activities?
6. What do you believe is the risk if you let your guard down with regard to your secret?
7. How do your behaviours and interactions with others help you maintain your guard of your secret?
8. How do you believe others perceive you, your behaviours, and your interactions with them?
9. In what ways might your secret be controlling your life in ways you’re unaware of?
10. In what ways might your secret be not so secret?

If your life is dominated by your secret, you may need to consider whether this is helpful or unhelpful for you and your goals. Depending on your response to this question, you might want to consult with a qualified mental or spiritual health professional.

Remember, all of us play significant roles in creating the realities we experience. So, each of us can also change our realities, if only we take the time and effort to do so.

I wish you well in your journey toward wholeness.

References

Lasair, S. (2019). What’s the point of spiritual care? A narrative response. Journal of Pastoral Care & Counseling 73(2): 115-123. DOI: 10.1177/1542305019846846

Lasair, S. (2019). A Narrative Approach Spirituality and Spiritual Care in Health Care. Journal of Religion and Health [Online First]. https://rdcu.be/bSZY3

Disclaimer: The advice and suggestions offered on this site are not substitutes for consultation with qualified mental or spiritual health professionals. The perspectives offered here are those of the author, not of those professionals with whom readers might have relationships as clients or patients. In crisis situations, readers are encouraged to contact these professionals for appropriate support and treatment if needed.